A surprise drug test can freak you out and not just because you have to give up the pot for a while but also because it’s your life at stake. You could lose your job, lose your income and then it’s all downhill from there.
I understand the panic and anxiety that come with such moments.
What I don’t understand is the lengths to which some people will go to avoid getting caught.
Some of these are honestly dangerous, if not a little stupid.
1. Fake Genitals
This one tops our list because of its sheer absurdity. Giving synthetic urine is one thing – but faking entire organs is insane.
And before you ask, yes, there are products put there for both men and women.
These fake hoo-has are meant to be worn on the body and filled with synthetic urine. You can even add a heat activator that keeps the synthetic urine realistically warm.
So when you go to give a sample, you simply pee in a cup as you normally would only that you are peeing from a fake organ. As long as the urine is not detected as fake, no one will be the wiser.
Using fake genitals in itself is not dangerous, unlike other harmful tricks we’ll talk about shortly. The main risk is in getting caught. But considering that you are wearing it on your body (and in the case of women inserting it inside), the risk is not that high.
The actual danger comes later if the lab detects that you did not use natural urine.
If I had a surprise drug test coming up and I had no time to detox, I wouldn’t rule out donning on a fake organ. If you decide to do it, make sure you understand the risk you are putting yourself in and decide if it’s worth it.
2. Drinking Bleach
There are many crazy things people do to beat drug tests.
Some of them are just silly and a little risky, but mostly harmless.
Some, however, are downright dangerous. Drinking bleach is one of them.
This is not even a theory with any modicum of truth in it.
It’s just a rumor that started a few years back especially among teenagers, forcing health experts and the manufacturer of Clorox to warn against using bleach to pass a drug test.
For one, it will not work. Bleach will not mask the THC metabolites in your urine or get rid of THC from your system.
Two, it’s REALLY dangerous.
Bleach is used to get stains and colors of fabrics. It would have a similarly corrosive effect on your digestive tract if you ingested it. It will burn your mouth, throat, and stomach. It’s highly toxic.
Regardless of how scared you are about testing positive, you should not put your life in danger using dangerous methods like this. You can always find another job if you lose your current one, but you might never recover from the damage you inflict on your body if you drink bleach.
I would only recommend a bleach treatment to pass hair drug test. Obviously, this does not involve drinking bleach but rather washing your hair with it.
Several hair detox methods involve washing with bleach. They have worked for some people, and labs take bleached hair into account during the test, but doctors warn against this because of the potential damage to your hair.
3. Drinking Excessive Amounts Water
In our THC detox guide, one of the tips given is drinking water just before the test. There’s a reason for this: it dilutes your urine, thus reducing the concentration of THC metabolites that can be detected.
But some people take this advice way too far – to the point it gets dangerous.
In the pressure and anxiety of the test, it is easy to assume that the more water you drink, the more likely you are to test negative.
So some people drink gallons of it, risking a condition called water intoxication or hyponatremia. This happens when you drink too much water in a short period. The water causes your blood become dilute. Sodium (salt) levels drop dangerously low.
The imbalance causes water to enter your cells, resulting in swelling. This can be dangerous in your brain and could be fatal.
In itself, drinking water can help dilute your urine but only when you drink a few hours before the test. Our advice is to drink just a little more than usual. Don’t get into a drinking frenzy. The frequent trips to the bathroom could even raise suspicion.
If you have a week or a month to detox, then drink water normally. It will help your body carry out the detox process naturally.
On the same note, don’t overdose on detox drinks. They could also cause health issues. If you use a detox drink, follow the manufacturer’s instructions.
4. Using Your Friend’s Urine
Using fake urine is an old trick.
Some prefer using a friend’s urine over fake urine, since they think it’s easier to be caught with synthetic urine. But this only complicates the matter, and it doesn’t help.
The biggest challenges to using any type of fake urine are:
- keeping the urine warm (most labs check the temperature) and
- getting it inside the testing facility, and,
- getting it into the pee cup without being detected.
People have come up with all kinds of techniques to solve these problems. Using a friend’s urine isn’t one of them.
To maintain temperature, tricks include using a warming mat, hand warmers, leaving the bottle on the sunny dashboard of your car, putting the bottle between your legs and so on.
To sneak the urine into the testing facility, people have used all kinds of things from condoms to collapsible bottles.
Using fake urine is a huge gamble, and you could easily get caught. But if you manage to keep it warm and not get caught sneaking it inside, it could work.
5. Using Synthetic Urine
You could ditch the fake genitals and just use synthetic urine.
Most synthetic urine packs come with heat activators that warm up the urine so that it seems natural.
The main challenge of this method is getting the urine inside the testing facility and ultimately into the pee cup. If you are successful, it can work.
Most synthetic urine brands are good enough that they cannot be detected, once they make it into the sample cup. But some labs are rigorous in checking that the urine is natural. They’ll even check the color and whether there are bubbles.
So be careful out there!
Do you have any crazy stories about things people have tried to get around a drug test? Share it, below!